“Seen and heard”

The undervalued reward of talking about how help feels to each other

This post follows We want to flip and old story published last week. I asked myself how I might motivate people to truly consider the highly undervalued, yet still uncomfortable topic of how help feels to each other. Truth is, I cannot. Each of you reading must choose it yourself. I learned in my last job role that we overlook the strong positive connection which “help” can create. Here, I try to briefly illustrate the ways that strong communication rewards the effort with new, beautifully human stories.

When communication is strong, we feel “seen and heard.” All the more if a topic is important or sensitive. We experience recognizable moments that indicate connection.

Take, for example, these signals of communication going well

• A sense of relief or release
• Feeling grounded or connected. I am not alone in this journey.
• Increased self worth. My thoughts and emotions are valid.
• Emotional warmth

• New clarity. Confusion dissipates, emotions begin to make sense
• Relaxing body posture, easing tension

Consider here also some moments we can experience when giving help is working

• A sense of meaning. Contributing to something larger
• Increased calm, related to the effects of kindness
• More social connection, deepening relationships
• Boosted confidence from action that makes a difference
• Gratitude, hope, a positive outlook
• Lifted mood, with lasting effects (“helper’s high” via boosting “feel-good” chemicals in our brains)

Sounds good? Well, here’s our challenge:

Asking for help can feel like a much different story. Even just the idea of asking often brings a complex mix of emotions

• Vulnerability and fear of being perceived as weak. Or of being judged
• Challenged sense of self-reliance
• Increased anxiety about rejection or being a burden

So, you see, asking requires moments of courage. The heroic step “over fear.” We often don’t take it or even talk about the potential we might once need to do it. If we would, though, the rewards can top all of the others:

• Emotional closeness and trust from openness
• Relief and hope as support lightens the load
• Plus the outcomes already listed above

I suggest we try to value the heroic ask. Congratulate the brave person who did it. Recognize that we now have the potential for stronger relationships with the people around us. Flip the old story. Communicate first.

Be each other’s heroes.