Good news: it gets easier
We can use “being cool” as a valuable tool for our whole lives. Really! It reflects autonomy and staying interested in how culture, the world around us, evolves. Causes us to have a view about how we perceive it. Helps us stay relevant. (1)
I had a little epiphany lately that actually, it may not be possible to avoid being cool over a lifetime. Even if you try. Because life helps us define ourselves whether we intended to do that or not. And so there we are. With the main decision in our hands about how much to express it.
At any age, sometimes we finally take the unexpected, autonomous path because we tried so many times to do what was expected and wore ourselves down into a mud puddle. Then we rest a little and say “What the H! I’m just going to go my own way because I’m at the end of my other ideas and trying to please every one else simply didn’t work!”
And somehow. That makes all the difference.
What I really enjoy about getting older is that with every decade you realize that you have just that much less time and so that crazy idea or dream needs to get moving – and this gives more of us the courage to be ourselves. A little more brave. Maybe even louder. (Even slightly louder in your own little network is already enough.) First we challenge our individual thinking. Then be willing to talk about it.
The other aspect of “coolness” that I like is the cheeky “I dare you” statement. Can be strongly extroverted (think hair, fashion), yet I more often appreciate the subtle – nearly introverted – expression of eccentricity with a smile that says “I’ve decided to do this thing and dare you to say something.”
A current favorite example: DuoLingo. Been using it to start learning French. (In addition to being a great tool, its CTO is from Zurich.) DuoLingo is known for its storytelling and characters – a lot positive can be said about the learning method and execution. (2)
My favorite popular character is Lily. As ChatGPT describes and I experience, she’s goth / deadpan, and sarcastic. Many users find her relatable and funny for her dry humor and attitude. Rolls her eyes. Responds the way I may wish to do, yet know I “should” not.
Or another more brash and extroverted favorite was Iris Apfel (Apfel meaning Apple in German, btw), the designer and fashion icon who lived to be 102. A lovely statement I read from the tributes to her will always stay with me: Her greatest achievement was her refusal to disappear (3)
So how to increase your coolness? Grow older!
With time, it gets easier to show our autonomy and express our desire to stay in, connected, stubbornly ourselves and engaged to the end – in other words, to be relevant and cool.
Notes
1 From AGE & Grace – How to be cool (#1)
2 About DuoLingo
- The simple formula that made DuoLingo a daily habit for millions. October 2024. Guerrero. BBC.
- The DuoLingo Handbook. February 2025. Shared on the company blog.
3. About Iris Apfel
- A Spectacle in Glasses, March 2024. Parsons. World of Interiors.
- How Iris Apfel became an icon in her 90s. March 2024. D’Silva. BBC.
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